| So sick... |
[Monday
November 24th, 2008 at 6:20pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sick |
] |
I've not been very voicey I guess.
Me and both of the boys have been in and out of the hospital with a very horrid case of the flu. At one point I literally thought about hiring a nanny for the simple fact that I felt like I'd been ran over by a steam truck and the boys were acting insane. Finally when my fever was 104 I left them with my parents and spent three days in the hospital. After I was finally busy Carter caught it and then there was cash so for the last two weeks we've been in and out of Dr's offices and hospitals nursing ourselves back to health.
They are still to puney to travel for the holidays and none of us feel like eating a huge feast so this year we are going to stay home with the box set of Christmas movies that I bought to get them in the mood. It's all three clay versions of the classics like Rudolph and Frosty. I'm just going to cook something small and maybe if they feel like it put up the tree. It sad seeing them all pooped out because normally they are little satan's. I tried to call Hannah to let her know what was going on and that I couldn't make it home for Thanksgiving and really just to check on her but I got her voicemail.
Other than medication that's it. I've put the whole Aidan ordeal behind me and came to realize that I don't need a man to survive and the boys don't need him either. They love him yes and I still tell them every night that he loves them but they've gotten to the point where they don't really ask about him that much. They are like me they've accepted it and moved on. I still think about him from time to time because I love him. I've just realized he's not the person I need to be with anymore.
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| It still feels lonely |
[Sunday
November 2nd, 2008 at 4:53pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 indifferent |
] |
I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. I went to Chloe's party with Collin and actually had fun.
I've been ignoring New York and everything that he's doing there because I don't care.
Most importantly I'm doing the right thing by taking care of my kids and reminding them everyday that their daddy loves them. When Carter cries I tell him he'll be here soon and even though Cash doesn't say much I still tell him too. He's no longer a factor in my life. Yes. I'll always love him and yes I'll always care about him but I'm not going to allow it or him to dictate who I am or what I do with my life.
I made the choice to go back to England for a couple of weeks. The boys seemed to really enjoy Collin and for a moment I forgot about all the hurt and all the pain and they seemed to too. Just for a moment. He said he didn't handle things right that he was to worried about his practice before. I told him I'm not ready for a relationship with anyone anymore but that we would talk and that I would visit him.
For the first time in my life I have my head on straight. Yes I miss him. Yes I'd give a million dollars to be where ever he is but he's not the Aidan that I knew and this is what he needs. I have to bury the old Aidan and accept the new one as he is and simply just move on. That's what I'm doing.
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| I have... |
[Thursday
October 30th, 2008 at 1:09am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 peaceful |
] |
A date tonight.
I'm leaving the boys with the sitter..
Since I haven't answered my phone in almost four days I called Aidan today at a time when I knew he would be answering his phone and left him a Happy Birthday message from me. It was simple just Happy Birthday. I love ya and then I held out the phone and let the boys sing happy birthday day. Carter finished it off with a you look like a monkey and you smell like one too.
That's all let's see how this goes.
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| And live does go on. |
[Monday
October 27th, 2008 at 7:23pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 drained |
] |
I came back home to fifteen missed calls from Aidan. I'm not sure if he's fighting with everyone so he wanted to fight with me too but the voice mails went from mad to pissed to I'm sorry to mad again. I've choosen to move on. That's what I'm doing. He needs New York because he sure as hell doesn't deserve the life that we had to offer him. For a split second I forgot about who he was and who I was. I don't need his shit and frankly I'm getting to old to care.
Yes I said some mean things last night but I do love him and always will. I just don't care enough to be in love with him anymore. I made a promise and that would be that my kids would never have to be hurt again. So that's what I'm doing. I'm taking it day by day and it get's easier every morning. The thing I'm slowly starting to understand is while I wanted him in my life. I certainly don't need him in my life.
It was just fucking like you were in love afterall.
I called Colin tonight. Call it being lonely. Maybe I felt guilty for how I did him. I was so ready to walk away from someone that made me his everything just to be with Aidan again. I really just wanted to appologize to him for acting like a bitch. He said he forgave me and that he would fly into California to be my date for the party.
The boys asked about him before they went to bed. It's exhausting and I want to dog him out and tell them the truth but I love them, not him to much to do that to them. So I told them that daddy was busy but that he still loved them very much. Cater is the worst right now, Cash is getting better about it. He has Hannah and he has me but Aidan was Carter's world and hero. Anyways. I'm turning the ringer off and going to bed. I need some rest. I've done way to much thinking for one day and I'm going to take the boys to the coffee shop to see Chloe and Bella tomorrow.
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[Monday
October 27th, 2008 at 1:02am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 pissed off |
] |
I've been listening but I don't give two shits about what he's doing in New York. Fuck him for leaving his friends, his kids, and his promises. No seriously I don't give a damn and I hope that 'cock ring' gets infected and his dick falls off. His kids haven't heard from him in a week. Personally I want to tell them it's because their father is a selfish prick. I'm back in Cali and I got my number changed if he wants to be out of everyone's life and start a new one then fine we will too. Live goes on.
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| I mean really shouldn't I have seen it coming? |
[Monday
October 20th, 2008 at 5:09pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
indifferent |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Love Locked Down by Mr. Kanye West |
] |
NO ACESS: BELLA, HANNAH, CHLOE, LINDSAY, AIDAN only..
I'm taking the boys to the Isla for a week and a half. I have a ton of things that I need to get accomplished out there anyways.
We left right after the funeral.
Seriously go ahead and say I told you so Des. How many times do I touch the stove before I realize "Hey Einstein it's hot and your going to get burned"
I'm not going to dog him out this time. It was my fault. My fault for coming back here and jumping right back on the train again. So I'm going to do the responsible thing. That's turn off the phone, enjoy my vacation, and spend time with my babies because I'll never EVER waist another minute worrying about anything except them. They are my world and it's time they have a constant.
Aidan. I hope you find yourself
Girls: I'm not gone for good. I'm not running but these babies need a break they've been thru enough and it's time for a little fun in the sun and some pamering at the hotel. I'll be back in time for the Halloween party Chloe. Bellakins I love you!! Linds if you need a break sweet cheeks you know how to get here. I left the number on your voicemail. You the only one I want to contact me right now. Hannah if you need me for any reason at all Linds has the number .
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| Sometimes it just has to be PRIVATE (except for Aidan and Linds)... |
[Monday
October 20th, 2008 at 1:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 sympathetic |
] |
I laid so still last night with him. He had tossed and turned for the majority of the night so once he finally fell asleep I barely breathed because I was scared that he would wake back up.
Somewhere around three in the morning the kids both came in and crawled into bed crowding the space. I didn't mind. I watched them all three and for a split second I thought about how quickly we can loose the people that we love and care about.
I made it my point to treat everyone as if it was the last time you were ever going to see them life is to precious.
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| Finally |
[Sunday
October 12th, 2008 at 9:01pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
content |
] |
Yes. Yes.
Dessie is finally home.
All I know is I've had more fun in the last few days than I've had in a really long time.
Vegas was amazing. I spent alot of time with some of my favorite super cool chicks and there was even that one night that I tried to out drink a cougar. Thank god Aidan came to my rescue and with the surprise that he had waiting I didn't even mind. I can't wait to go back.
Miami was a blast the kids were crazy but it was good to be around Ava and Aidan's dad again. I almost seriously didn't want to come home. Is it possible to take a life long vacation? I mean is that socially acceptable?
Either way thank you woobie.
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| Risky Business |
[Thursday
October 9th, 2008 at 10:45am] |
| [ |
mood |
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sleepy |
] |
Let me just start by saying. The Sullivans? They party like some Mo'Fo rockstars. When some people say they shut the club down thats code for 'Hey I left around 2 a.m. and past out in the taxi on the way back to the hotel'. Last night the Owner of the Palms literally pushed us out the door at 4 a.m..
I don't think I've ever consumed so many apple martini's in my life but here's a little recap of what went down,
8:00 p.m.: We started out calm just dinner. I had sushi.
Drinks Consumed #1.
9:00 p.m: Let the gambling begin. Between us all I think we spent a cool million at the poker table
Drinks Consumed #6
10:00 p.m.: Arrived a little to early to the club but we had our first round of shots.
Drinks Consumed # 8 Shot #1
11:00 p.m.: I now have Lil Wayne's autograph and am waving it around like I just won the publisher clearing house. Chloe, Hannah, Brooke, Linds and myself have all now done at lease two body shots of Patron from Ethan.Well not Linds she rolled her eyes and commenced to dry heaving
Drinks Consumed #10 Shots #2
1:00 a.m.: All of us girl are dancing in a circle ONTOP of the bar to 'Pour Some Sugar on Me' with every one in VIP shoving dollar bills down out pants and bras. Aidan messed up and slipped me a hundred. Or maybe he meant to.
Drinks Consumed #12 Shots# 4
3:30 a.m. Aidan and Ethan are now on the bar stripping and screaming "I'm to Sexy for the shirt to sexy for shirt so sexy it hurrts" and are pouring and buying shots for the entire VIP section.
Drinks Consumed # 16 Shots# 6
4:00 a.m. I've offically made out with Aidan for at least twenty five minutes and it was so intense that I'm in serious need of some Burt's Bee's. I have to take a break to dance with the girls who've I've all confessed my love to and whom have yelled back I effin love you to Destiny. Our dance is sloppy we all look like hookers with our melted hair and deminishing make up but when asked about it. WE LOOK LIKE FUCKING ROCKSTARS.
4:30 a.m. Hannah and Brooke are passed out. Chloe and Ethan are whispering, I don't wanna know about what but from the giggles I'd say...score. Lindsay is out the sunroof cause she needed air and Aidan and I are having a very indepth conversation about the past, imagine that.
5:00 am: I have my sister tucked away. I've kissed all the other girls goodnight and drug a very drunked woobie back to the room. I thought we were almost ready for bed until he slides out of the bathroom and well he's singing a very slurred Shy rendention of "I swear":
( OMG I <3 this )
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| I'm leaving on a jet plane. lalala |
[Wednesday
October 8th, 2008 at 8:02pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 bouncy |
] |
Aidan: Pack your bags. Your going to Vegas with me Mr.. The boys are already at my moms so I simply will not take no for an answer
Ethan: Get ready to throw down homeskillet. I'm bringing big bro for a little relaxation before his head explodes
Linds: I'll see you tomorrow my lessie lover. I'll also be holding your hair back later.
Hannah: You wanna come?
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| I fly like paper get high like planes. |
[Wednesday
October 8th, 2008 at 9:14am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 bitchy |
] |
I've been listening don't think I haven't. When I was called out infront of god and everyone for being a whore, a harlot, and what ever else she'd love to throw into the mix but I took it in stride want to know why? I decided to be the bigger person this time and not surcome to the magical mayhem but things are getting a little bit out of control. One thing everyone should know before they are quick to judge and hit that little comment button in anger is I'm a totally different Des and your opinon while taken and noted it isn't nessicarily needed. I've learned alot of things and experienced even more so this is just MY view.
Since I've been away for a few months I've learned that a girl should be two things. That's classy and fabulous. Sometimes when things go wrong in your life you have to keep your head up and keep moving. Yes your going to bash the man for a minute or two because your hurt and when your hurt you say things that you don't mean but does that mean that you have to run off into seclusion with your kids and go all banana sandwhiches? No. Sometimes you have to accept the fact that well to be frank life isn't a fucking fairy tale and shit doesn't always work out. That's when you pick up your pieces for your kids sake then suck it up and become an adult. Why? Because before ANYONE is going to love you, you have to love yourself and your life first. You have to be okay on the inside. Love isn't about hearing I love you every fifteen seconds it's about just knowing every fifteen seconds that, that person loves you.
The only thing I'd like to state for a fact is this Aidan is who is he and he's probably not going to change for me or anyone and if he does then it will be a small miracle. The only thing I've ever disagreed with in this entire spat is that Aidan loves his kids. He's always made a point to show them, to be there, and to take care of them. So to say it pisses me off when I hear otherwise would be an understatement. You want to bash him for his character? Fine. I'm not excusing some of the things he's done but DO NOT go there with the kids because when you do, you turn them into a tool and how contradicting is that? I love Aidan that's been known since day one. Did I come here to split everyone up and make a team Des or a team Sammie? No. That's gay, just sayin' but the simple fact is this Aidan and I are always going to play a part in each others lives. That's just how it goes. We have kids together and we have a very special bond together. Does that mean I want to run off, get married, and have any more Aidan babies? No. Aidan has alot to prove when it comes to me. He knows that. I'm not putting him on blast because he's trying. From what I can see he's been trying. Regardless though I can't and no one should deny the fact that, that man has the biggest heart in the world and for what it's worth I think he's amazing.
So enough about that garbage. It's not really any of my business it's just I hate to see him so sad.
When I came back to California I expected there to be drama, there always is but I didn't expect to come home to all this. We all change. I changed.
And since alot of those "disgusting" skankey "harems" are some of my really good friends here goes:
.
Bella: Where are you and where have you been.?
Linds: Your a skank but when you didn't have your lips locked to every Englishman we passed you were a huge help and I don't think I could have done it without you. I hate how that kinda makes your retarded ass one of my best friends.
Ava: Let's make out?
Chloe: I'm back from England let's do lunch
Hannah: I love ya little lady. Come get the boys. I need a break.
Brooke: I've never met you but I like you already!!!
Aubrey: You have a love for pancakes so you can't be that bad plus you agreed with me and I like when people agree.
Luka: Your rock purple as well as I do sooo you've got my vote.
THE COUGAR: OMG your the only one that hasn't told me hello yet!! I have Jack!!
Tessa: Eh. It's hard to say no isn't it haha
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| Ooooh Mr.Sullivan |
[Monday
October 6th, 2008 at 6:01pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 busy |
] |
He begged me not to go to England then snuck off to Boston.
So what he doesn't know well he may since I've not been answering my phone is that I went ahead and headed back out here with Linds.
Maybe Linds is right maybe he has another streak in him that he needs to get out of his system before he's ready to get back into something else. Maybe Destiny should be smart and sensible for once in her life. Just sayin.
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| Hmm |
[Monday
September 29th, 2008 at 9:57pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
busy |
] |
I'm going to take the boys to England for a week to get the rest of my things. Colin said he'd be there to help me move around whatever boxes I needed moved.
Be home soon lovies.
Aidan. The kitchen? Really? Wow....
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| What A Busy Weekend. |
[Sunday
September 28th, 2008 at 10:05pm] |
Carter won his football game so yaaay. If that's what you want to call it. It looked more like two hurds of disorganized midgets. Only cuter. He was so excited with himself but I don't think that he was as excited as Aidan was. Seriously? My poor ex-woobie. He had no clue when it came to the game and kept blurting out STRIKE when someone would tackle on of the kids on our team. I hate how adorably retarded he is. Carter kept pointing to everyone in the stands and waving like he was in a parade. Bella, Lindsay, and Hannah all made it so he was pretty much a pimp. Wow souns familiar?
Speaking of my sister. I know we had our differences but today at Carter's game I gave her the account number to her profit share at the Isla. I know a long time ago I told her that she was dead to me and banned her from something that she helped create. Well since I've been gone and came back I've realized two things. A. People are human and they are going to err. B. She was there from the bottom to the top while the hotel was being built and was their for Cash when I needed to be. She deserved every last penny that was in that account.
Last night after the game Bella came over and we took all the kids to Jumpity Jump. Has anyone else ever been to this place? Let me just go ahead and tell you about it. It's genius. They have all these blown up jump toys and slides and the kids can basically go bannana sandwhiches for hours and by the time they leave they are so exhausted they pass out. Ours did on the way back home sooo I got to spend a ton of hours catching up on all things Bella. I've missed alot and I hate that I haven't been here to be here for her and everyone else.
Today was the baby shower. Aidan asked me last night to go as his date. It was akward but Chloe looked beautiful and everyone seemed okay with it. It kinda felt like prom and the woobs was so nervous that at one point he went for my hand and I kinda pulled back and he spilt punch all over us both. What did I get the baby? Voodoo dolls of Chloe and Sebastian. I mean eventually that baby is gonna be a teenager and with them as his parents wellllll he/she is going to need something ya know? I'm kidding. It was a tone of baby making noise and lights. Why? Because it was just fun to watch Sebastian oooh and awww over the lights. Chloe my love, I appologize now. I also got the baby a ton of clothes and a personalized mirror.
Anyways. It's time to be lazy. I don't wanna talk about all the drama going on or how I got called out in public. Instead I'm going to opt to worry about the people and things that matter most in my life. That's my friends and boys.
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| Im pretty sure |
[Friday
September 26th, 2008 at 10:54pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 anxious |
] |
I'm addicted to Frosty's...
That's all I'm sayin..
Except my Bellakins is coming over tomorrow night for a play date and Carter's football game is tomorrow so everyone make sure you come. He needs some dysfunctional people cheering him on.
Aidan your invited to once you wipe your sticky mayple syrup away. Ooo my sister was growly when she got up to make those I bet.
P.S. Hannah I have something for you. It's important.
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